Self doubt arrives

So it has been a hectic couple of weeks.

Settling into my new role, school and routine has taken all my spare time and energy (apart from running away to my parents bach during Labour Weekend).

These weeks have been hard and full of self doubt.

The class show the tell-tale signs of multiple teachers over the year. They are a lovely bunch of year 1 students, for all of whom I am their 4th (some 5th) teacher in their first 40 - 60 weeks of school.  This is an extremely disruptive start to their "formal" schooling.
So in my class, I have focussed on building a positive tone, setting behaviour and work expectations as well as getting a handle on the students levels, strengths and needs.

As far as the team go, they show similar signs. They have had multiple leaders with their different ideas, approaches and expectations this year too.
"My team" has actually been the most stressful part of my week.  Each day seemed to bring a new challenge or issue for me to consider, support or deal with.
In preparing this post though, I realised that the team were "suffering" from the constant change too. This time of the year is busy and stressful enough that adding anything different or new would be detrimental to the relationships I am also trying to build.
So instead, I am looking forward to starting 2016 of with freshly reviewed and shared expectations.

All of this combined with the fact I don't know any answers to questions my team raise (or I have) has let the self doubt roll in.
The self doubt has been not only around if I can do the job, but whether I made the right decision to move schools and the right school to move to.
At numerous times this week, I have also worried that the appointment panel maybe regretting their decision with all the questions and ideas I was raising.

At times the scale of the job overwhelms me, but I have an amazingly support network who I have to thank; my senior leadership team who reassure me daily (or multiple times a day) that it will all be ok, my #efellows15 whanau who are there to virtually support me and provide the voice of reason and clarity and of course, my husband and daughter who are a wonderful source of strength and support and who love and encourage me unconditionally.
I am extremely lucky to have these special people in my life.

So in reflection this week; when moving into a position of leadership at a new school, you need to be prepared for a downtime of observation where you can make a list of things of great current practices, things you want to do and things you want to change. You need time to prioritise and plan for both the students and teachers you are responsible for. Most importantly though, you MUST have a support network.
It is the outside support network who will listen and support without judgement. They are the ones who will help "even out" the good and bad days.  Back yourself and give yourself time!

Efellows15 share for CNENZ 15

Tonight, the efellows15 shared a brief overview of our research and/or efellowship journey.

It was a great way to share some of the interesting information, trends and findings of our year of inquiry.
I really enjoyed sharing some of the reflections and revelations I have had over the year that didn't necessarily form part of my research but was important to share as well.

Below is the youtube clip of the GHO we shared for CNENZ15 (Connected Educators NZ 2015).

My specific part is at approx. 50 minutes in.

Change - good? bad? ugly?

Tomorrow is a big day!
I am moving to a new school and responsibility.

I left my role Manurewa West School on Friday with a mixture of emotions (excitement, sadness, nervousness).
My role there was a complex one, that had evolved quickly from the Scale A teacher role I was employed as in 2013. When I left, I was team leader of the Y1 teaching team and also the person responsible for ECE transition and co-ordination. My role had also previously included responsibility for the whole junior school for a few terms last year when the AP was away on leave.

Saying goodbye is always hard but I know I have left my class to an amazing teacher who will finish the year off well.  Technology is also beneficial here, knowing I can easily stay connected to the wonderful staff I will no longer see each day.

I am nervous about the move though.  There is always nervousness and excited that comes with change and I am left today with lots of questions and "worries".

• Will the staff be nice? 
• What will the class be like? 
• Will the class respond well to me?
• Have a planned with enough flexibility to accommodate needs? 
• Will I remember everyone's names? 

Of course these are all "silly" questions, in that they are the same things we continually ask ourselves.  And they are not the questions that are really concerning me.  There is one difference in this move.  

In this move, I am moving to an established position of responsibility.  This is something new for me.  I have always moved schools to a Scale A position and grown into a leadership role within the school.

In my new role at Bailey Road School, I will effectively be responsible for the leadership and management of the junior school. This brings its own set of questions and worries.

• Can I do the job I have been employed to do?
• How can I manage an area of the school when I don't know "the way we do things" yet?
• How do I quickly establish a rapport with and a picture of the team?
• Will I live up to the expectations people have of me in this role?
• How do I honour what is already there but make changes to progress the teaching and learning of our students?

These are the questions that really matter to me at the moment.  I know I can do this role and do it well, but that little nagging doubt is always there.

I wonder why that is. And it makes me think how it might be similar for our students and their whanau when they move to new schools or classrooms.

So, as I prepare for tomorrow, I reflect - Change = good? bad? ugly?

I think it is all of these and I envisage many upcoming posts around this change I am going through in the future.

I know I will do a great job ..... but I'm still nervous!

Teacher as researcher - The efellow15 journey

In early October last year, I received an unexpected phone call while out at lunch with @crimsonNZ. It was from John at CORE education with the exciting news that I had been selected as an efellow for 2015.

I decided to apply that year as I was looking for some PD after completing my post graduate studies.  I didn't really expect to be accepted. I thought it would be more a practice run and I would apply again with experience on my side.

So when I got the call, I was speechless but remember giggling and smiling so widely. Although sworn to secrecy until the announcement at ULearn 14 the following week, I had to share with my lunch buddy (in case she thought I was crazy).

Over the year, I have been asked a number of times to sum up the efellow year and experience.  It's an extremely hard thing to do.

The efellow journey is a whirlwind of learning, laughs and reflection. It's hard work, but rewarding and fun all at the same time.

Alongside being supported through a research project, we were also affored immense professional development through; 

• Visits to schools (ECE to secondary) across New Zealand (in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch)
• Professional discussions with numerous CORE education staff including; Keryn Davis, Derek Wentworth, Dee Thomas, Karen Melhuish Spencer, Manu Faaea-Semeatu, Mark Osborne, and Chrissie Butler.
• Professional discussions and mentoring with Louise and Ann (our CORE efellow mentors).
• Skype sessions supporting our learning, thinking and research projects.
• Networking with past efellows and other CORE staff.

It was "supposed" to be a year to dedicated to my research project, but what I got out of it was so much more. I gained a bigger understanding of what it means to be a teacher researcher.  After this year, I firmly believe we should not be looking at teaching as inquiry but rather teacher as researcher!

During this year of PD, reflection and research I have been challenged and learnt more about and from my practice, my students, their whanau, my peers and my newest bunch of critical friends (my fellow #efellows15) than ever before.

I shared my year with the amazing group of educators known as the 2015 efellows - Vivita Rabo (Teacher of the Deaf @ Mission Heights), Camilla Brotherton (Teacher @ Waiheke School), Stephanie Kitto (Teacher @ Clyde School), Steve Mouldey (Specialised Learning Leader @ Hobsonville Point Secondary School), Richard Wells (Head of Technology @ Orewa College) and Philippa Nicoll Antipas (@ The MindLab Wellington). 

There were many conversations (both fun and serious) and we have developed a close bond. We will be ewhara15 for life! and I feel immensely privileged to have been on this journey with them.

Through my research, I had the opportunity to really listen to my students and their whanau. I really began to question how well we listen and if we hear the message correctly. My research showed correlations between positive, strong relationships and academic achievement and success. I don't have answers, but I believe more than ever that relationships and listening are they keys to school "success". 

I plan to continue reflecting on my practice and actively seeking ways to improve communication and organisation within the junior school (in particular) to support relationships and keep them at the core of everything we do.

The efellowship ride has been hard but so rewarding. I would really like to apply for another year as I feel like I am only just beginning and have so much more to gain!

If you get a chance to talk to any efellows, do it! If you have a question you want to look into deeper, you should apply for a CORE efellowship.

Welcome to the digital world

I have been pondering professional blogging for a while.  I read blogs, I blog with my students and have always wanted to blog, but have never really got my professional blog up and going.


During my efellow15 year, I have been surrounded by amazing bloggers - Steve Mouldey, Richard (iPad) Wells, Philippa Nicoll Antipas and Vivita Rabo, to name a few. I have been nudged by Richard's efellow research along the way.


When he shared his presentation with us on Monday, Richard mentioned there were some people in his cohort that did quite a bit of educational discussion, reflection, mentoring etc in a "traditional" face to face way, but were not engaging with this through a social media outlet.  They weren't reaching/discussing/reflecting with the numbers of people they could be.


At the Ulearn15 showcase, Karen Melhuish Spencer gave me a challenge. She said, 

"If you're doing something good enough to share with your kids, it's good enough to share with the world!"

Then Grant Lichtman addressed Ulearn as the first Keynote Speaker.  He spoke of bushfires of innovation happening in classrooms.  And I was struck with the thought that the bushfires are everywhere. We need to connect the bushfires to grow and change!


And I was left wondering, why haven't I got a professional blog? Why am I not sharing what's happening in my classroom? Why am I not sharing what I'm thinking about?


I decided I needed to take a leaf out of Michelle Bridges book and JFDI! (Just ** do it!)


So here it is, my first professional blog post.
I am hoping to share what's happening in my class, my school, the wider education community, to fan and connect the bushfires I see and to reflect on my practice.

I hope you join me for the ride.